"As it is seen, ejaculation can be used as a potential treatment of nasal congestion because its emission phase provides a sympathetic stimulation and subsequent vasoconstriction and nasal decongestion."

("Ejaculation as a potential treatment of nasal congestion in mature males", Journal of Medical Hypotheses, via SCQ)

"It’s hard to believe that 17 years ago the Human Gnome Project formally began. It was quite frankly a great day for all of us gnomes as we thought we had finally gained the attention and respect we deserved as a community. But 17 years later, we as a community are disappointed, angry, full of resentment, and still addicted to nicotine."

("Angry words from a gnome who to this day continues to think the human genome project was actually the human gnome project", by David Ng)